Suckers are for the Courageous

We always have candy at work. There is literally a treasure chest full of candy in I.T., and coworkers continually keep it stocked.

My department, Marketing, has it's own, smaller version, and it sits upon a bookshelf displaying everything from Tootsie Rolls to this fancy butter fudge (from Harrods) that my boss picked up in London.

Of all the assorted treats offered, you know what does not get eaten? Suckers.

Last week, someone poured a confectionery hodgepodge into a container, and everything but the suckers/lollipops were quickly scavenged. It took me a few days, but I figured out why no one was going after the lick-ems. (Please note: "lick-ems" is a term I just coined, and should probably never be used again.)

The reason, is that with regular candy, you eat it, enjoy it, and quickly forget that you just consumed—nutritionally speaking—crap. The Butterfinger, Snickers and KitKat go down with nothing more than a "Mmmmmm."

With suckers, you have to work for the pleasure. Every flick of the tongue reminds you that what you're ingesting is mostly sugar and high-fructose corn syrup (which is just ultra-sugar). No one feels like giving themselves a complex, so we stay away from the speared candy.

Remember that the next time you see someone enjoying a lollipop. Walk up, look straight in their eyes, and say, "You sir/madam, have balls."